My Journey From Stage Fright to Stage Light
Dear Diary….
by Nooran ElSheikh Ahmed
Vice-President Public Relations, Desert Pioneers Toastmasters Club
I embarrassed myself in 9th grade…again…
It was a science project about electric currents. I was incredibly confident about it. My father helped me with the project, and it looked so…stunning. The box looked so breathtaking and sparkly. A classmate even complimented the box.
But I couldn’t help being so…anxious. My hands were trembling as if I had drunk ten cups of Turkish coffee, my voice was cracking like I hadn’t spoken in years, and I was just learning to speak again.
The teacher had to sit me down, and another classmate said to me, trying to calm me down, “Don’t be nervous.”
I understand you had good intentions, but it’s only easy to say this if you are not someone who gets nervous just by introducing yourself. It was such a disastrous day.
10th grade.
That’s it, I told myself. I will go to the talent show. I must be confident. I need to show the world that I have nothing to be afraid of. I need to show the world that I’m unbreakable and unshakable. This talent show should do the trick.
(During practice)
Wait, why do I have to flip my hair back and forth?! I wish I had not picked that song…wrong song! WRONG SONG! I REGRET PICKING THAT SONG! NOW I WILL BE REFERRED TO AS THE WINDMILL WHO KEPT SPINNING ON THE STAGE!
(After the talent show)
Nooooooooo! That was so embarrassing! I kept flipping my hair back and forth like a malfunctioning metronome.
“No, no, no, no, no. I am never getting up on stage again.
Fast forward: University, 2018.
Years have passed. No stage. No talent shows. No more public humiliation. Or maybe… maybe I should try again? I guess I will audition for the university talent show.
(After auditions)
I didn’t get accepted. I was not really surprised. I couldn’t even look the judges in the eye. “Better luck next time,” I thought. But then, I heard about open mics.
December 16th, 2018, First Open Mic.
Big mistake. I messed up the song lyrics…In front of everyone…I wanted to melt into the floor…
October 31st, 2019, Second Open Mic.
I am dressed as a darker version of Alice Liddell from Alice in Wonderland. I tell myself, “It can’t be scarier than going up on stage, right?”
Later…
Ooohhh, it could have been a lot better. I don’t know why people said they liked it.
2019 Talent Show.
I finally got accepted! I sang “Lovely” by Billie Eilish. I didn’t win. Again, I was not surprised. Stage fright still had its claws deep inside me.
Then came graduation. And with graduation came job interviews. And guess what?
I was tense in all of them. My voice and my hands trembled as if I were placed in a bucket of dry ice. Out of the many interviews, only a few employers picked me.
No one wants to hire a scared lamb.
Then my sister introduced me to something I had never heard of before: Toastmasters.
At first, I thought, Oh, it’s just a public speaking club. But I was wrong. It wasn’t just a place to learn to speak.
– It was a place to learn leadership.
– A place to fail safely.
– A place where people wanted you to succeed.
Open mics and talent shows had pushed me out of my comfort zone, that’s true…
But Toastmasters? Toastmasters built me a new comfort zone. When I joined, I had a rule for myself: no props. I was terrified of looking silly, of embarrassing myself.
But slowly, speech by speech, role by role, meeting by meeting…I changed.
– The first time I gave a speech without shaking hands… I realized I was healing.
– The first time I volunteered for a leadership role… I realized I was growing.
– The first time I walked off stage feeling proud instead of relieved… I realized I was free.
Toastmasters is not just a club.
– It is another family I never expected I would have.
– It is another safe space I never thought I would find.
– It is a mirror that shows you not just who you are… but who you could be.
So, dear diary, if I could write a note to my 9th-grade self, trembling behind that science project, I would say:
You are going to embarrass yourself many more times. You will forget lyrics. You will lose talent shows. You will bomb auditions. You will be jittery in interviews, as if you drank ten cups of Turkish coffee. Despite all this, one day, you will not just face the stage light, you will shine in it
And that place will be Toastmasters.
So, if you’re listening to this and thinking, “I could never do that,”
Trust me.
You can. And I guarantee, you will thank me later once you join.
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Toastmaster Nooran is currently serving as the VP PR of Desert Pioneers Toastmasters club. She’s someone who enjoys learning, creating, and reflecting on life’s everyday lessons. Writing allows her to share a little bit of who she is while connecting with others through stories.